Dilbert: I e-mailed our boss with a query. He forwarded my e-mail back to me! Alice: But why? Dilbert: Because he forwards all his work to me
**************************************************************** Dilbert: I just discovered that Wally and me are working on the same issue. There must be some mistake

Boss: It isn't. I deliberately made you work on the same issue.

Dilbert: But why?

Boss: I want to claim to the CEO that my team is twice as productive to others.
****************************************************************
Dilbert: My manager keeps asking me to e-mail all important queries Alice: I know he is trying to be e-mail savvy. But does he reply to your queries. Dilbert: Yes. In fact he sends me a blank mail as a reply to each Alice: He is using botox and is finding it hard to give a blank expression all the time ****************************************************************
Boss: Your newly appointed boss will be responsible for quality checks

Dilbert: But he does not do anything and the quality is just the same.

Boss: That's what I want to do….maintain quality
****************************************************************
Guss: Hi Dilbert. I like Alice and want to impress her.
Dilbert: First praise her and talk to her about painful things. Girls like to complain
Guss: Hi Alice. You have nice eyebrows. Is it painful when you pluck them? ****************************************************************


Boss: We are making Wally the new head of the department
Dilbert: I thought I was the one
Boss: Whatever made you think so
Dilbert: You said so at my appraisal last year
Boss: Since I dint mention it for a complete year, I figured you got the clue ****************************************************************
Boss: How are new vibrant freshers that we have recruited performing?
Dilbert: They are all crass and effectively mess up all that I manage to put through
Boss: That’s ok. They have a learning curve
Dilbert: But they are being paid more than me
Boss: Thats the corporate policy to ensure better retention. And you are being paid so since the company is very sure that people like you will never quit! **************************************************************** Dilbert: I have heard that the girl has the permission to come to office only twice a week. This is not fair.
Boss: She is more productive than you
Dilbert: I come to work on Saturdays and work from home on Sundays. How is she is more productive than me?
Boss: She is not in the office three days a week ****************************************************************
Dilbert comes back from lunch to notice that his computer has vanished.
Dilbert: My computer has been confiscated and the IT department has sent me to talk to you.
Boss: Thereis a shortage of resources in this department. We have given yours to the security guard. We are building a database of the personal visitors that staff has.
Boss: Acircular was passed to take up all the unused machines
Dilbert: But I was working on it
Boss: Yeah but it was on screensaver mode ****************************************************************
Boss: We are increasing a the number of working days making it six per week
Dilbert: Why? Is it because the company has got extra projects?
Boss: That’s the bestpart.There will be no extra work. This is a part of our cost cutting policy Dilbert: How will this cut costs?
Boss: If you work one day extra day, your average pay per day will go down. We will file that as savings **************************************************************** Boss: I am appointing Germain as the Assistant Manager. He will execute all my tasks Dilbert: But all you do is delegate work
Boss: Yes I just delegated that as well ****************************************************************
Boss: Narrate a selfless deed
Dilbert: Iwork day and night for bad pay, mental harassment with no good experience and a bad career ahead
Boss: That’s not selfless enough
Dilbert: Why?
Boss: You derive happiness by making fun of me ****************************************************************
Dilbert: I plan to write my autobiography Boss: ****************************************************************
Boss: I have a brainwave. I will be conducting a daily meeting everyday with the comple department in attendance
Dilbert: That will take up a lot of time and effort. What are these meetings for anyways? Boss: What do you mean what are they for? For knowledge dissemination, motivation, emotional, quotient!!!!!!!!!!
Dilbert: Ok! What is the topic for today’s meeting?
Boss: The movie I watched last night ****************************************************************

Boss: I have committed to the project manager that we will deliver the project by tomorrow

Dilbert: But we have not even started working on the project.

Boss: So what? Start right away

Dilbert: That is ridiculous. We don’t even know WHAT the project is!!!! You should inform in advance.

Boss: I never committed to informing in advance